mylightspirit

During burning Beirut summer days, I have acquired the habit of staring  out the window from the 9^th floor, the adjacent rooftops and nearby windows open up as a grid of life, on the nearby building an umbrella and chairs were set  between the water tanks making the perfect spot for a summer tan, over there the neighbor is checking on the water amount while cursing the heat and the water shortage, on the further view two youth are practicing boxing near the water tanks, ironically those water tanks in the neighborhood are witnessing everything! In the middle of all this chaos, an elderly couple sat on their balcony enjoying a cup of coffee calmly unfazed by the high temperature… 

This habit of looking for life outside my window goes back in time, as of couple of winters ago back in Italy, on a cold morning, the steam of the hot coffee escaped my cup leaving a stain on the window glass, while I looked out at the pouring rain and darken morning sky. That was when I caught a glimpse of a spring on a rainy day. It was a small balcony of the nearby building; it was full of flowers and plants that brought life even to a dull day as that. Just the sight of it drew a smile on my face. From that rainy day, it became my habit to look from behind the window at the small balcony garden with that one empty chair taking its place in the middle of it. One day, when it was warm and sunny, I looked out and there she was, filling in the middle of the balcony, her gray hair shining in the light, and age has carved her face and she sat there on the chair between the plants silently and peacefully. That old lady alleviated my homesickness, she reminded me of my grandparents back home in the village sitting under the walnut tree on warm days. 

Here now, staring at the old couple, my heartaches at that empty chair; the one on that small balcony back in Italy not knowing what have been up since I left, and for the empty chair back in my grandparents’ home, the chair that would never be filled again, I ached at my grandpa having his morning coffee alone without his partner, I ached at the dull garden, I ached at the emptiness that is left behind… 

Couple of months ago emptiness took over, a hallow inside of us, the moment my grandma left us to the other world, it hit hard, it broke a piece of us to lose the ones we  love..I grieved her as it with tears, pain, and lots of prayers. She is now in a better place and here we are again, embracing the routine of our everyday lives! But grieve hit different, lose never leaves you be, you remember the ones you love in smallest details, a word that have been said, an act, a food, and seeing others be!

Grieve, missing, and one empty chair can trigger all what is inside to remind you that life would never be the same again….

My room’s window- Mestre- Italy 2020